


a better son.

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Basically Fuck JJ Rights, Ben Solo Lives, F/M, Fix-It, Implied DameReyLo, Leia Organa Lives, M/M, Mostly Poe/Ben, Multi, Polyamory, implied Damerey, implied reylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I had no rights to take your place.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	a better son.

**Author's Note:**

> [ _And you'll be better_  
>  _You'll be smarter_  
>  _More grown up and a better daughter_  
>  _Or son_ ]
> 
> Title and verse by Rilo Kiley, "A Better Son / Daughter".

They were alone when Poe found the courage to speak.  
He considered himself a brave pilot; a brave fighter; a brave rebel. It was so much harder, though, to be courageous while handling emotions. Somehow, _emotions_ seemed to be much more fragile than the most broken of X-Wings.  
"Listen", he started. He saw Ben turn towards him, on his side of the bed - their gigantic mattress was too big for the two of them only, he thought, and still this had to be done while Rey was away. "I need to apologize. To you."  
Ben smirked. "For being an unbearable asshole?".  
"Look _who_ 's talking, Solo." He rolled his eyes. He hated admitting how much he genuinely liked that man's sassy attitude. "But no, not for that. Look, my place in the Resistance, it made me...". He pondered the words. Ben was listening closely, his gaze slightly calming. Grounding. "It made me full of myself. Do _not_ tell Rey I said that."  
They both laughed softly at that, but there was no reply. Ben was waiting for him to continue. "My role as a pilot, as - it was important. It was. But it gave me the impression of being something I wasn't. I had all that time to spend with General Organa. I had all that time to convince myself she was almost -".  
"A mother."  
Poe sighed. "Yeah. But she's not. She's an incredible mentor and it's time I step aside and realize I - it wasn't my place. It was yours. It _is_ yours, and I had no rights to take it."  
He'd expected Ben to get mad. There were times when rage was still the only thing that fueled him (and Rey, the only person able to ground him). It must've been hard, Poe supposed, to let go of something you've relied on your whole life. After all, his rage was all he'd had.  
There was no anger, though. Not in his eyes, not in his voice, not even in his body - relaxed, instead of stiffened. When he spoke, it was undoubtedly the voice of someone who'd felt higher amounts of pain than most people in their entire existence.  
"I was taught that love was something wrecked", he replied. He spoke so quietly. "According to the way of the Jedi, I was supposed to be emotionless. According to the voices in my head, I was supposed to be a fire of anger. Either way, there was no space for love. I never got to love my mother. Not until now."  
Despite his best attempts at bravery, Poe was shivering. He had no idea when this broken, healing man's affection had become so important to him, and yet there he was. "So you're not - angry at me? For - you know, stealing her that way."  
He shrugged. "Snoke stole her from me. Stole me from her. Whatever. You just filled a void. I was taught that any form of love made me a monster, and I'd accepted it. The Jedi, the Sith- everyone told me I wasn't supposed to _feel_. Not positive things, anyway. I've wanted to let that die for so long. So no, I'm not angry. You seeked belonging and -".  
His last words were a whisper. "Nobody's a monster for seeking belonging. Guess Rey taught me that much."  
Poe breathed out in relief and smiled. "You're a much better son than I could've ever been, anyway."  
"Am I?". He looked amused. (He was so beautiful when he was amused.) "Yeah, I am."  
He rolled his eyes. "Fuck off."  
"Fuck off right back, Dameron. Are we finished? I want to sleep." He was stupidly cocky. Poe hated it. He _hated_ it.  
"No", he smirked. "You so don't wanna _sleep_."


End file.
